Maybe This Time
by Hana-Sama
Summary: A love story between JJ and Berkley… I was re-reading FAKE when something Ryo said struck me. After being kissed by Rose, he compares his kiss to Dee's and comes to the conclusion that they are very much alike… thus this story. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1: Proposition

Pairing: JJ/Berkley

Disclaimers: don't own FAKE characters (boy, I wish I did) JJ is also a brunette – but don't worry this will change (problem on my part thinking that he should be a brunette)

Warnings: man on man relationships and I'll add yaoi… dunno where this is going ^_^

**Chapter 1 – Proposition **

Officer Berkley Rose gazed out of his office into his 'kingdom' – the 27th precinct. Glaring briefly at Dee Laytner, the man who took the best shag in the world away from him. Ah – Ryo McLean… His intense blue eyes slid to said man and his stare glided appreciatively over the slender body…

The beautiful skin, as smooth as it seemed, he remembered smiling faintly as he recalled the sharp punch he had received for his troubles. The full rose-bud lips, pouting sensually as he filled out a report on his latest case. And the dark, coffee-coloured eyes, intense pools of emotion, stared blankly at the computer screen. _Oh, how I could make those eyes fill with pleasure,_ he thought, and dreamt about the long legs, hidden beneath the desk, wrapped around him, Ryo's slender body writhing in ecstasy under him as he licked and kissed every single part of his anatomy.

Unfortunately, Dee broke into this fantasy, by stepping into his line of vision, looking over Ryo's shoulder at the screen. The dark-haired detective said something into Ryo's ear, causing a beautiful smile to break out over his face and a hint of a blush to cover his cheeks as he nodded.

_I wonder what that bastard said to make him look like that_? Berkley thought, watching intently to see what would follow.

Dee wrapped his arm around Ryo's waist and pulled him up out of his chair, holding him close to him and putting his other hand at his throat, tracing the blonde-haired detective's pulse line. Ryo swivelled in Dee's arms and, as he looked closer, Berkley noticed moisture on both their cheeks. Ryo wrapped his arms around his lover's neck, Dee encased him in a bear hug, pressing Ryo to him and burying his face in his neck. The blonde detective flung his legs into the air and Berkley watched on as Dee spun him around.

Officer Rose spluttered. _What is going on_? He trudged out of his office to find out… to come face to face with Drake, Jim and the rest of the 27th, whooping and shouting the word 'congratulations', throwing cheap champagne over the two loving detectives.

_Oh, no_…

Berkley looked around for detective Jemmy James Adams to confirm his suspicions…

He found the small man standing in a corner glowering at the couple. He had his arms wound tightly around his chest as though he were holding himself together. JJ must have felt Berkley's gaze as his own shot up to meet his stare. His strange purple-tinted irises dragged the blonde officer into the depths of his sadness, his pain… and then those eyes were gone, back on the couple. Berkley felt a similar hurt for the _other half_ that JJ was pining for. He didn't feel, however, that pained. He'd always known deep down that it was never going to happen. Unfortunately, it _had_ happened between JJ and Dee. Once. Granted it had happened during their stay at the academy, but it had had a great effect on JJ. He had been in love with Dee for such a long time and when he had finally got the opportunity to jump in the sack with him, JJ had snapped it up fast. They had been an item for a total of two months, Dee had even told JJ that he loved him, leading the smaller man on. However, soon after, Dee had left him in the lurch. Leaving a broken-hearted JJ alone and contemplating suicide. JJ was much stronger than people thought though and he had tried to suppress his feelings for as long as he could and continue being a great cop. At least that was the story.

Berkley wondered if Ryo knew…

_He must do… it would explain JJ and all that, so Dee would have told him. Besides I don't think that even Dee is stupid enough to not tell Ryo something that important. Not if he wants to keep him anyway._

He glanced at the couple, at their smiling, tear-stained faces, and then back at JJ.

The smallest detective had hunched over and was beginning to back away from the scene of Dee and Ryo so happy together, his shoulders trembling. He felt Berkley's gaze again and looked up. He wiped furiously at his eyes and ran down the closest flight of stairs. Berkley had the strangest urge to run after him, comfort him and hold him close enough that he'd never feel hurt again… but he turned from those feelings. Those feelings get people into trouble.

But as he continued to stare after the detective, he found his body moving of it's own accord. Before he seemed able to blink he found himself flying down the stairs towards JJ.

"Wait, JJ!" He called, catching up swiftly, due to his legs being much longer compared to JJ's, he grabbed the small detectives arm.

"Let me go!" JJ screamed. "Don't touch me!"

Berkley pulled the distraught man into his arms, hugging him against his chest. JJ slumped against him, shaking as the sobs racked his slight body. He buried his hands into the officer's crisp white shirt, holding on against the tide of emotions.

"Shh, it's ok." Berkley tried to comfort him, rubbing his arms gently. "Shh…"

They stood there for what seemed like an eternity. JJ became aware, slowly, of who was comforting him, but also found himself disinclined to move. It was too nice. The feeling of having strong arms wrapped around him, it was a sensation he was beginning to feel no longer existed. It did, however, and as his tears began to cease their flow, he found himself snuggling closer into the other man's embrace, attempting to encase himself in Berkley's warmth.

As he felt the other man's body press more firmly to his, he tightened his grip in response. The small man was needing strength and he wanted - needed to be the one to give it. He was unsure as to why he felt such an overwhelming need to protect and comfort JJ. Hesitantly, he rested his chin on JJ's head, finding himself thinking how natural it seemed.

"Is that better?" He asked quietly.

"Mmm… A little. I thought I'd be okay." JJ muttered, moving slightly to look up at the blonde man, his violet eyes red from crying.

Berkley frowned. "I don't understand." He admitted finally.

JJ dropped his gaze, toying with the fabric of the other man's shirt. "Dee came and asked me whether he should ask Ryo to marry him. At first I was spiteful and told him no, but lately I've come to realise that it's never gonna happen." He paused, thinking then gave a small laugh. "Well, not again. So I told him the truth. I told him that I loved him, but I could afford to let him go, that I didn't…" He frowned, searching for the right word. "That I didn't _need_ him the way that Ryo does."

"But… you do, don't you." The blonde stated.

JJ shrugged, feeling the tears rise again. "Not as badly as Ryo does. Have you seen the way they look at each other? I can't compete with _that_! It's like-like they're each other's air, their life source." He began to shake again, the sadness welling inside him.

Berkley held him tighter still, feeling anger for an unknown reason. Perhaps the thought that JJ was feeling so worthless in comparison to Ryo, though this would make no sense considering his own feeling towards Ryo… Would it? He began to feel great confusion well up inside him.

It was the first time that he had ever been in question about his feelings toward anyone else.

It was true that he'd always wanted to have sex with Ryo, but were there any feelings running deeper than that? He didn't know. At the beginning there had been… _something_, but now he was in doubt. The way he wanted to protect JJ was surely a sign of his feelings for the other man ending.

JJ pulled away, suddenly and regrettably, he wiped his eyes and laughed a little. "Thank you, sir." He said, business like and unreachable. The expression on his face was one that Berkley had come to recognise. It was a sign that the wearer was withdrawing from him, going back into their self and would suffer alone. "It won't happen again. Now," He was beginning to look more like the JJ everyone knew – no – _saw_, "this won't do! I hafta go congratulate those two. I hope they have a long and happy life together."

He tried to scurry away, back towards the celebration, but Berkley grabbed his arm, "If you ever, _ever_ need to talk, or anything where you may feel inadequate or you begin to feel like-like you might do something stupid, come find me." JJ stared at him stunned, Berkley frowned, "Please." He whispered huskily.

"Do something stupid? Me?" He plastered a grin on his lovely face – and despite himself Berkley admitted that JJ's face _was_ lovely. "Not me, sir. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

He swiftly made his get away. As soon as Berkley had released his arm, he ran up the stairs taking two at a time. And he almost skipped to greet the happy couple.

Berkley was frozen to the spot for a few seconds, wondering what it was about JJ's vulnerability that had triggered such an odd response from him.

_It's the way his eyes draw you in_. He concluded. Mentally shaking himself, he made his way back up to the offices.

As he arrived he was just in time to see JJ kissing first Ryo, then Dee on each cheek. He was smiling again, radiating a happiness that put Berkley on edge. He had, just a few minutes before, seen beneath that joyful exterior, and he hadn't liked what he had seen.

"I hope you have a great life together!" JJ was saying, and Ryo was eyeing him almost suspiciously. He knew that something was wrong. His perceptiveness was something that made him a good detective. "Have you told Bikky? Are you throwing a party? When's the wedding?"

He seemed uncontrollably excited, and he was a well known tyrant for parties. Loved them and would use any excuse to throw one. He was due for another celebration.

"Listen up everyone!" Dee addressed them all. "You're _all_ invited. Tell your friends."

"_Dee_." Ryo admonished, gently shoving his fiancé.

"What? You know you want them all there." Dee murmured softly, kissing Ryo lightly on the nose.

"Urg! Dee, must you do that here?" Drake muttered, "I'm happy for you and all but _must_ you?"

"Yes, else how will he know how much I love him?" Dee replied, smiling gently at Ryo, the honey-blonde man smiled back, love etched upon his face.

Berkley felt like he would vomit. Or smash Dee's face in. Or both.

Everything began to subside, went back to normal. Each and every one of the staff at the 27th congratulated the ecstatic detectives, and then dispersed back to their own desks and soundproof offices. Ryo and Dee, soaked through with the champagne, grabbed a few napkins and, laughing, began to dab each other dry.

Berkley, too, returned to his desk, and tried to concentrate on his work. A new case had come in and he needed to assign one of his team to go undercover.

His eyes crept over to where they often found themselves… resting on Ryo McLean's form. He had, when the case had first come in, thought about sending Dee, so that he could get time alone with Ryo. Now, that seemed too cruel… even to him. He needed someone else. It wasn't high priority, but it was dangerous… he could afford to wait a little longer. _Like, till I figure out my feelings about both Ryo and JJ._

This thought shocked him. Berkley had always put his work before anything else, especially his own feelings – made him a nightmare to be with, according to his previous lovers.

Yes, there was definitely something about one of those two. Now there was the simple problem of figuring out who was the missing part of his heart.

"Sir?" JJ broke him out of his thoughts by charging into the room, doughnut shoved into his shapely mouth and arm extended towards him, report in hand. "The Jackson Case, sir, in full."

Berkley took the file, and opened it up to the first few pages. He nodded. "Good."

JJ still lingered and, softly, he shut the door. Hesitantly, he approached the large mahogany desk and placed his taught backside on the edge. Berkley's heart began to race with the proximity of the small detective.

"Did you mean what you said? On the stairs?"

The blonde officer looked up, surprised to find the same JJ that he had found on the stairs. "Yes."

The brunette thought this over, then nodded once, pushing himself up off the desk, backing out of the room.

"Uh… JJ." Berkley jumped up from his desk and approached the other detective. His heart was doing somersaults as he asked, "Come to dinner with me?" JJ looked up at him sharply and one hand flew to his chest as though he were in pain. Berkley flustered and lied. "I… uh… I've been invited to go with a few friends. They're bringing women… I would appreciate the company… _your_ company if possible."

JJ smiled, and it shocked Berkley to his core… it wasn't his usual smile, this one reached his eyes, it was genuine. "Thank you, sir. I… I'd love to."

"Great." Berkley said, and he meant it. "Meet me by my car in the lot around…" He thought about the smaller man's schedule, "Seven?"

JJ opened the door and looked back at him, "Sounds good. See you then, sir." He began to leave, one foot already out the door. "And, sir…" He lowered his voice, "There's no need to lie. I was just surprised that you asked _me_, of _all_ people." And then he was gone, his false smile in place once again as he skipped to his office that he shared with Drake.

Berkley sighed. _It isn't fair that JJ has to fake something like a smile, I bet I could make that smile real_. This thought scared the blonde officer. Perhaps these feelings had been suppressed for the strong sexual attraction that he _had_ held for Ryo to take their place? No, that couldn't be it… Could it?

_I'll see what happens tonight…_ He thought, shaking his head to clear it and paying attention to JJ's freshly handed-in report.


	2. Chapter 2: Dinner

**Chapter 2 – Dinner**

JJ could barely contain his excitement, as he skipped down the stairs towards the parking lot. This terrified him. Could it be that he was 'getting over' Dee? That couldn't be possible, not with the intensity that he had loved him.

_Loved_…? He had thought of it as a past thing. _Does this mean I _don't_ love him anymore? And besides, even if I didn't, why does it have to be Berkley that I fall for?_ This last thought confused him and he stopped in his tracks. _Am I falling for him_?

When he thought about this a little more, he noticed how his heart had raced as Berkley had hugged him, how he felt when Berkley had told him to come to dinner. Everything added up, but could he bear to let go off his love for Dee? He shook his head, clearing it of the disturbing thoughts. _I'm not gonna think about that tonight. I'm gonna go out and enjoy myself. _He glanced at his watch; he was a little early, but he picked up his pace anyway.

When he arrived in the lot, the harsh grey walls turned dark because of the time, he was shocked to see Berkley already there standing beside his car, cigarette in his mouth. The car in question was a smexy Lamborghini, in fire red. This was not the car that JJ was used to seeing Berkley drive. He usually drove the custom black car with tinted windows.

JJ was shocked further as he took in the sight of the other man. Berkley was wearing a dark blue vest top under a light blue button-down shirt with tight fitting, ass-hugging blue jeans, with yellow stitching. JJ felt his mouth drop open, then he looked down at his own attire.

_I feel underdressed_. He thought. Berkley caught him looking at him, then at his self.

"We can stop by yours on the way." He suggested. Opening the car door for him.

"Where are we _going_?" JJ asked.

"Well, I thought we could go clubbing later on? I mean, you're not on duty tomorrow, so that means…" Berkley smiled, looking sly as he stared at JJ, a new emotion in his eyes. "I can get you as drunk as I want."

JJ felt his breath catch and his face grow warm. He stuttered, "Erm.. sh-shall we?"

They got into the car and Berkley started the engine. JJ's hands shook as the car vibrated with expected power. The engine roared and then they were off. They sped down the motorway towards JJ's apartment.

"So… erm, what's the point of this?" JJ asked hesitantly.

"Well, you needed cheering up and I felt… obligated, if you will, to help that along."

_So he's just like the others. Not interested in _me_. Just interested in my body._ JJ couldn't figure out why this upset him, perhaps it was yet another feeling that he was unsure of. _I thought that there could be something there._ He shook his head quickly. Well, he thought, at least I'll get a decent shag.

When they reached JJ's apartment, JJ quickly ran through the flat.

"Take a seat." JJ said, as he hastily made his way to his room, throwing off his work shirt as he went. And Berkley felt his heart jump at the glimpse of flesh that he saw as JJ disappeared into the bedroom.

JJ undressed quickly. Standing only in his socks and boxers, he regarded the various clothes that he had in his large wardrobe and tapped his chin with his long and delicate fingers. He wanted to look good, but not over-dressed.

In the end he decided on a pair of black wash-faded jeans, and a dark tank-top and a pair of black sneakers. It was hot outside and JJ was placing his bets that if the two of them stopped off at a club it would get even hotter on the dance-floor. He glanced at himself in the mirror. Black suited him. It highlighted his next-to-flawless pale skin, making it appear almost translucent if caught in the right light. Black also showed off his unusual natural eye colour and that always worked to his advantage.

When he finally stepped out of his room and back into the living room, Berkley was sitting on the sofa; his eyes were closed and he had let his head droop back, exposing his sensuous, masculine neck. His arms were spread wide, across the back of the sofa, a dominant male pose that JJ found incredibly enticing.

He cleared his throat quietly, and Berkley's eyes shot open, glancing over to where the noise had come from.

"How do I look?" JJ asked, "Will I do? Not too casual or…?"

Berkley cut him off, "You look great." He smiled slightly, getting up off the couch. "Shall we?" He put one arm out towards the door.

"Let me just grab my wallet…"

"No, let me pay for tonight? My treat." Berkley smiled again and for a reason that JJ couldn't explain, he felt his knees go weak as he saw that smile.

"Uhm… okay."

They left the apartment quickly and were soon speeding off to the restaurant the Berkley had in mind.

It turned out to be a high-class Italian joint and JJ bailed.

"I can't go in there!" He hissed at Berkley. "Not dressed like this!"

"JJ," Berkley said, a soft tone in his voice as he took the smaller man's hand. "You look amazing… a little casual perhaps but still unbelievably beautiful." And with that said Berkley, for once threw all thought away and acted only on impulse. He ducked them both into the alley way just beside the food joint, then grabbed JJ close to him and kissed him on the lips.

JJ couldn't believe what had just happened. One second he was standing next to Berkley, the next his mouth was being taken by him. It was all going very fast, even for JJ's standards.

However, as soon as he felt Berkley's tongue against his, he melted. His knees went weak and he clung to his boss, his hands finding their way into his hair. Wait…

His boss…

HIS BOSS!

JJ slowly pushed him away, although both wanted the kiss to last an eternity, and said, "Can we go eat?... I feel a little hungry."

Berkley smiled at him, he could understand his hesitance of letting go of his love for Dee, and he could forgive him for that.

"Sure." He also went to let go of JJ's hand, but the smaller man squeezed his hand a little tighter, smiling at him.

They entered the restaurant together hand in hand and the waitress showed them to their table. It was in a secluded corner and for that JJ was grateful, judging by both of their behaviour outside, they'd be lucky if they even got to the club.

The waitress handed them a menu each and JJ hid behind it quickly. At this rate I'm gonna end up sleeping with my boss, he thought.

But is that really so bad, another voice in his head asked, it's not like he's not attractive. Or that you couldn't grow to love him. Or that you could even love him already.

He tried to block out those thoughts but they did disturb him. Greatly.

When the waitress came back, Berkley ordered oysters for starters and as a main course he had a pasta dish. JJ ordered the same starters, but was lost as to what to have as a main. He ended up having Berkley pick for him as he simply had no idea. As a dessert they decided that they would share a chocolate fondu. Berkley also ordered a bottle of Italian red wine, called Chianti.

JJ giggled at the way that Berkley had wriggled so many types of aphrodisiacs into one meal. Perhaps they were both bent on getting some. (A/N please excuse the pun)

"What's funny?" Berkley asked, suspicious as he poured a glass of the expensive wine for JJ and himself.

"Nothing." JJ replied, eyeing him over the rim of his glass as he took his first sip of wine and he locked eyes with Berkley over the candle-light.

"So," JJ started, "there must be a reason, other than the whole cheering me up thing, that you brought me out."

Berkley looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I get the feeling that that kiss out there had nothing to do with cheering me up, that's all." He looked at Berkley expectantly. When the other man didn't respond, JJ looked down into his wine glass, resting his head in his other hand. "You know, if you just want to fuck me, you can say so. We don't have to do the whole 'date' thing. I mean its not like it'd be the first time that someone's done that to me. *Bitter laugh* I could probably start out as a prostitute, the amount of men that want to screw me." He said, calmly, taking another sip of wine.

"JJ, for God's sake! Listen to yourself!" Berkley roared, then proceeded more quietly. "Do you always see yourself as that?"

JJ shrugged. "Might as well. You know, once, Dee told me that that was all that I was good for. 'A decent fuck' he said. He was right, you know. There are many times I thought that I'd got over Dee, but they all ended the same. Scenario was different, but I still ended up alone. Whether it's the morning after or a couple of months down the line."

Berkley felt his anger rise and he had no idea why, but he felt no anger towards JJ, or his words. Words that were accusing him of wanting to just fuck him then ditch him and never talk to him again. But he did feel anger towards himself, and the other men that had done that to JJ. He had begun with the intention that if he just fucked the man, then all the confusing feelings he had for him would go away, but now? Now he just wanted to hold JJ close. Even whisper loving things into his ears. Anything to make the pain, that was sure to drown him unless someone pulled him to the surface, evaporate into nothingness.

When he focussed again on JJ, he was still staring into his wine glass, but something was different. There was something glistening on JJ's cheeks, and the thought of JJ crying sent Berkley's heart into space. He didn't want to see the man cry.

JJ saw all of the memories of his past loves and past hurts float before his eyes, overwhelming him. Then he felt strong arms encircle him and he lent into them.

"I'm sorry." JJ whispered. "I didn't want to ruin this evening. I thought that it could mount to something that would briefly make me feel good." The arms around him tightened and he felt lips beside his ear.

"Let's go back to your place." Those lips murmured, and JJ felt his heart both sink and sing. It may mean that he would have no relationship with Berkley – not that that was what he wanted – but he did get a good screw.

"Okay. But what about dinner…?"

Berkley chucked, pulling back to look into JJ's eyes. "I don't really think that this is your kinda thing, is it?"

JJ thought about lying, then decided it was useless considering that he had protested so loudly before entering the restaurant. He shook his head and blushed when Berkley chuckled again, helping him up from his seat.

They got back to JJ's apartment in record time, and Berkley would have totally understood if the man had turned him away. After all, he had revealed so much of himself already. Instead however, JJ said, "Wanna come in?" he had blushed too.

Berkley had entered the apartment – for the second time that evening, his mind registered. JJ immediately went off into his kitchen, calling back over his shoulder, "Do you want coffee? Tea?"

"Coffee." Berkley said from the doorway.

"I'm sorry, but I only have instant… is that still okay?" JJ asked, holding the jar in one hand as he boiled the kettle and grabbed mugs with the other. He was oblivious to Berkley's entrance into the kitchen.

Berkley rolled up his sleeves and came to stand behind JJ. "Instant's good, thanks."

JJ jumped at the sudden proximity of the other man. This action caused his ass to bump against Berkley's lower hips and the tops of his thighs, gently… erotically. Both men froze at the contact. JJ remembered with great intensity, how the kiss that they'd shared felt. How he had wanted to continue. And then his mind travelled back a little further, to when the two of them were in the stairwell and how great it felt to have Berkley's arms wrapped around him. He couldn't help but let his mind wander, imagine what it would feel like to have sex with Berkley. He imagined how the older detective's blue eyes would almost glow with passion and desire, how they would end up looking almost completely black. He imagined how his long, masculine fingers would feel against his own flesh… these thoughts, though they only took a second to spring to mind, presented a problem. A large problem that was clearly visible through the front of his pants.

Berkley was also suffering from this problem, and as JJ looked over his shoulder, straight into his eyes, both felt an electric shock shoot through their bodies. Without another thought, Berkley grabbed JJ and spun him around; pressing his lips to the smaller man's, hard and persistent, quickly gaining entry to JJ's warm cavern.

JJ moaned in the back of his throat. This feels good. He thought, deepening the kiss and, whilst clutching one of Berkley's firm ass cheeks, he ground his erection against the other man's leg – as he could not quite reach Berkley's erection with his hips. The moan that this elicited from the taller man encouraged JJ more. He was about to continue exploiting this when Berkley surprised him by grasping JJ's ass and pulling their hips up to meet one another, making JJ wrap his legs around the other man. Berkley ground their erections together, ripping moans from both of them. He pulled back briefly, to see if JJ wanted a relationship or if he just needed a release. Both desires were in the smaller mans eyes but the most prominent was definitely the need for a release.

This saddened Berkley. JJ shouldn't have had to feel that all he was going to get was just a fuck – off of anybody. JJ should feel loved.

What kind of shit-face am I? He thought to himself. JJ's heartbroken over Dee (the bastard) and all I want to do is shag the beautiful… I can't. It's not right. Simple as.

Just as the violet-eyed man was about to swoop in and claim the other officer's lips again, Berkley pulled back. His heart ached as he saw JJ's eyes narrow slightly, disappointment blooming in the beautiful orbs.

"JJ," He said, "This isn't right. Not after everything you said at the food joint."

Realisation suddenly dawned in JJ's eyes, then anger burned brightly in them. "Don't you dare! I can't believe… you just… I mean… shit!" JJ shoved him away furiously, jumping down off of the work top.

"JJ, I didn't mean…"

"Just…!" JJ was close to tears again. Tears of frustration. Tears of hurt. And tears of anger. He covered his eyes with one hand. "Just go. I thought… I thought I'd at least get a fuck – apparently I'm not even good enough for that anymore. I might as well not bother anymore. Just leave."

Berkley didn't move for a second. Then he reached out to JJ, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, only to have it slapped off.

"Get. Out. Of. My. House." JJ growled at him, looking up and meeting his gaze for the briefest of moments. The pain that Berkley saw in those violet eyes worried JJ. He had the most horrid feeling that JJ was going to do something stupid.

Barkley sat down at the table in the kitchen. "I'm not going anywhere. I suggest that we have a takeaway…" He said very calmly.

"Don't you dare!" JJ growled, anger showing in his eyes. "Don't you dare pity me! I'm fine on my own. I have been for years. I'll prove it to you, even if you, or Dee, or even Ryo don't think I'm man enough, I'll prove it to you." And with that JJ stormed out of the kitchen.

"Shit!" Berkley stumbled out of the kitchen and into the living room where JJ was at the front door to the apartment, pulling on a jacket and glancing at his watch. "What are you planning to -"

"It's now nine o'clock." JJ said, a strange glint in his eye. "Please be sure to lock the door when you leave, sir."

"JJ, wait -" But he was only talking to thin air. The other man had left, the door was wide open and when Berkley went to see if JJ was still on the corridor, he was terrified to find that it was empty.


	3. Chapter 3: JJ's 'ExtraHours'

**Chapter 3 – JJ's 'Extra-Hours'**

JJ strode down the street, his pace quickening until he was running. He didn't know where he was running to. He didn't care. No-one would miss him wherever he went. No-one would come looking.

He didn't know how he ended up there, but he was glad to find where he was. He was in his old neighbourhood. Hardly a respectable place. It was, in fact only a five minute walk from Dee's old church.

JJ sighed. This is where he really belonged. The slums. The brothels to be more exact.

JJ was the son of a whore. He was born and raised in a whorehouse in New York City. That had been where he had learned all of his sexual tricks, how best to pleasure another human. He had never told anyone about this part of himself, not even his work partner, Drake. It wasn't something he was particularly ashamed of, but nor was it something he was particularly proud of.

He felt that it was time to pay his old home a visit. Pay a visit and get paid. It wasn't something that JJ did often. Only on the days where he felt like he was good for nothing.

JJ, despite his status as a cop, also sold his body on occasion.

Tonight, I'm gonna get drunk, and I'm gonna get shagged… hey I actually feel pretty suicidal, maybe I'll have a wander down to ganglands. They pay the best.

He looked down at his clothes. Not exactly the most alluring get-up, but black always set off his eye colour and his skin, and in the game he was playing, they were his biggest assets.

That night, JJ had wandered from dingy apartment to dingy apartment. Having intercourse with any man who wanted it and who was willing to pay a large amount of money. He did end up in the ganglands, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. He did suffer a few cuts and bruises from a couple of his more violent clients. Unfortunately this also led to a large bruise covering most of the left side of his face.

He didn't know how he had done it, but he had made it back to his own apartment the night before… or during the early hours in the morning. He was in his own bed and he sat up slowly, holding his head gingerly as it began to throb. Then he grimaced as a sharp pain travelled from his anus and straight up his spine.

"How many people screwed me last night?" He muttered, quietly. "Ohh, my head… how much did I drink last night?"

A soft clang alerted him to the fact that someone was in the kitchen. Did I bring someone home? He thought, I never bring anyone home, even if I'm totally drunk.

Unhurriedly, he got up from the bed and crept toward the door of his bedroom; he peeked outside. In the kitchen, directly across from JJ's bedroom, Berkley was rummaging around, finishing his coffee and putting things back in their places.

Why is he still here? He should have left last night… oh god! Was he here when I came in? Does he know I'm here?

JJ continued to watch his boss rummage about and when the man turned toward the door JJ froze. He knew that Berkley couldn't see him, but he was terrified of his boss finding out about his activities last night. He was surprised when Berkley shook his head then turned away and bent a little over the kitchen work top. JJ was curious as to what he was doing, but nature called and he needed to pee.

When he had finished, he gave his appearance a quick look. To be frank, he looked awful. One bruise, given by one of his more violent clients, covered one cheek and he could feel more bruises elsewhere on his body.

I need a coffee and a shower.

He slowly emerged from the bedroom, checking that Berkley had left. He swiftly made his way to the kitchen and was mildly surprised that there was a note on the kitchen top.

It read:

JJ,

I didn't go home last night and I have your keys. Didn't hear you come back, so call in this morning. I want to know that my sharpest shooter is still alive.

See you tomorrow,

Berkley

JJ snorted, as if he cares, he thought. He set about making his coffee and making arrangements to go into the precinct to practice his shooting. The phone on his desk rang several times before Drake picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Drake!" JJ put on his 'happy' voice.

"Hey, JJ." Drake replied, sullen as he always was in the morning.

"Why are you so upset? Actually, never mind… could you tell Berkley that I called in and can you also slot me in for target practice around noon?"

"Tell Berkley… target practice – noon. Yup, okay, no problem. By the way what happened to you last night?"

Suddenly JJ thought of where he was last night had someone seen him…? "What d'ya mean, Drake?"

"Well, uh… well it might just be you joking around, but Ryo said that he got a call from you last night – he and Dee were on night-shift."

Oh, shit. "And what was the call about."

"Uh, well, he said that there were heavy breathing noises, moans and you saying something like 'stop, it hurts'. But I don't really know… maybe you should talk to him when you get in." JJ heard murmuring on the other end of the line, then Drake said, "Look I gotta go, but I owe you a coffee anyway so I'll take you out later, 'kay. I'll see ya, JJ."

"Okay, thanks Drake, byee!"

"Later." And then the phone clicked off.

JJ sighed and replaced the receiver. This is not good. I can't believe I was so out of it that I called the station!... he put a hand over his mouth as he thought, then he shrugged, I'll come up with something later, but right now I need a shower.

As he took off his clothes and stepped into the shower, he gasped. He could feel each and every single bruise and scrape, but now he could also see them and his pale skin, that had always been prone to bruising was littered with them. Finger prints mostly. Large, violently purple finger prints.

JJ shuddered. Usually he didn't choose the violent ones; he was one who enjoyed gentleness. I guess I really was suicidal. He looked down at his under-pants. Blood. Yup, suicidal. Then he took his wallet out of his pants pocket and checked how much he had been paid. He estimated about $2000. He gave a low whistle then shoved his pants and the rest of his clothes into the laundry hamper. He then stepped into the shower, the steam filling the bathroom quickly.

Again he sighed as he felt every knot and ache washed away. He washed his body gently and was sure to clean his ass thoroughly. He was in tears by the time he had finished, but glad that he had taken care of it.

He dressed quickly after that, realising that it was almost noon, but skipped breakfast and, after cleaning his teeth, left and took the subway to the station.

He arrived at the 27th precinct at 12.30. He was always tardy on his days off, but never a minute late when it was his shift. It was one of the reasons that Berkley thought that he was a reliable detective.

At the thought of Berkley, JJ heart sank… what was he going to tell his boss if he ran into him? JJ rubbed his face and looked up at the station building. This was gonna be a tough few hours.

He took a deep breath and plastered on his trade-mark smile before stepping into the building.


	4. Chapter 4: Shooting Practice

**Chapter 4 – Shooting Practice**

BANG!

JJ continued shooting rounds into the paper. His eyesight was blurred slightly and he felt a little dizzy. He stopped and put a hand to his head; swaying slightly he put the gun down and removed his safety glasses.

"Must be coming down with something." He muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"Where did you go last night?"

JJ spun around. There, standing in the doorway was Berkley. He had a strange look on his face and JJ frowned slightly before plastering his trade-mark smile on his face.

"I just went out, sir. Sorry for leaving you in the lurch." He picked up the gun again; shot a couple more rounds, then set it back down. "I, uh, needed to get out."

"I stayed at your apartment over-night… I didn't hear you come back. What's with that bruise? Jesus, JJ!" Berkley sounded strange… distant. Is it him… or me?

JJ touched his left cheek gently, "I got wasted *chuckle* probably ended up in some kinda fight. I didn't get in till late, sir. I –" JJ was shocked when Berkley suddenly sprung on him; grabbed him and held him close.

"JJ. Stop. You don't have to smile if you don't want to."

JJ sagged against him for a moment, but then felt all his cuts and bruises very, VERY clearly.

"Ouch!" He exclaimed, pulling back sharply.

"What's wrong?" Berkley seemed concerned, gently touching his shoulder.

JJ looked up… his vision was blurred again and he felt extremely dizzy. Then the whole world tipped sideways. His last thought before unconsciousness claimed him was; Oh shit.

Slowly, JJ came round. He opened his eyes, but the harsh light hurt his head and he closed them quickly.

"Look," An unfamiliar voice said softly, "He's waking up. I'll leave him with you."

A cool hand was placed on his head and JJ sighed, that's nice, he thought.

"JJ." Berkley murmured and JJ shrunk away from the hand a little. "JJ, why did you come in today?"

"Shooting practice." He replied strongly.

"You're not well… and also, judging from the marks on your –"

JJ sat up suddenly, grasping for his shirt, which was no longer around his slender body. He frantically searched the room – the infirmary, he noticed – only to be disappointed. He slowly turned to glare at Berkley.

"Give me back my clothes." JJ growled, his eyebrows drawing close together.

Berkley reached out and softly touched JJ's bare arm. JJ jerked backwards, shaking like a leaf, and all of a sudden he realised how weak he felt.

"JJ, what happened to you yesterday?" Berkley murmured, the concern written on his face enough to bring frustrated tears to JJ's eyes.

"Nothing happened, sir. I got drunk… I don't remember much more than that." JJ looked down at his hands in his lap, still shaking but unwilling to admit the weakness of his body in face of the situation. He needed to look like a man in this situation, he needed to prove to his boss that he was not weak; not a liability.

"Don't give me that shit." Berkley growled.

"I am…" JJ swayed a little, his eyes closing for a second and one of his hands flew to his head. When he overcame the dizziness he opened his eyes and straightened, fake smile once again in place. "I'm fine, sir."

"That is it, JJ." Berkley barked, slamming his hand down onto his knee. "I'm taking you back to my place."

JJ was shocked. This was not the reaction he wanted. "Sir! I can't accept. I have to be home and –"

"Don't talk shit to me! You don't need to be home for anyone or anything – I've been to your apartment remember! Now, I will have no arguments! You are coming to mine and that's final." Berkley ranted, as he stood. "I'll go and talk to the chief and then I'll be taking you back with me. Understood?"

JJ looked up at his boss for a moment, tears of anger in his eyes, the he looked away and nodded – swallowing anymore pride that he may have had left.

"Good." And with that Berkley left, handing JJ his shirt. He was back, however within 10 minutes and JJ was still glowering at him.

Berkley ignored the death glares and said, "The chief told me to tell you to take a few days off, until you're better… he'll give you paid leave."

"I don't understand why you're so worried about this, sir. I'll be fine by tomorrow. I probably just got into a fight with another drunkard." JJ shrugged then winced and this did not brood well with Berkley, and his frown deepened.

"When we get back to my place, you are going to tell me EVERYTHING. Do you understand?"

JJ rolled his eyes, getting up, rubbing his various aching muscles and slipping his shirt back on. "Yeah. I know." He has to know I'm not gonna tell him anything. JJ took a step forward, feeling dizzy and a little unsure of himself. This is not good. It's been a long time since I've felt this way after sex. I don't like this feeling at all. He raised his eyes to the door, determined to walk as a man, and not be carried. The door wobbled sliding from side to side in JJ's vision. This is not good. He took another step and swayed, losing his footing.

Berkley launched forward, grabbing him before he hit the floor. "JJ!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine! Stop fussing!" He scolded. "I still don't understand your worry!"

"Call it paternal instinct. You're one of my team and I feel the need to protect you."

JJ stared at him as though he was from Mars. Why was he being so kind to him? Was he feeling guilty? JJ didn't care. It was nice for him to feel cared for, rather than to be the one doing the 'caring'.

"I highly doubt that there is any need to protect me to be honest, sir. It's not as though I'd be missed." JJ stated, looking away. This was starting to get personal and he was feeling uncomfortable. He wore his 'smile' again and continued, "Let's go, if you insist on making me go to yours."

Berkley frowned, but let JJ's previous statement slide. He would ask him about it later. He then nodded. "Sure."

Despite JJ's protests, Berkley carried him down to his car, parked in the precinct garage. JJ had blushed a great deal and thrashed against him trying to get away, and even raised his voice a couple of times, but all to no avail. Dee had made a flippant comment as they had passed but Ryo (god bless him) had noticed the aura around them and pulled Dee out of the way, his engagement ring glinting, and into their office. JJ had had to turn his face away from the other men at that point, choosing instead to bury his head in Berkley's chest. He was so embarrassed.

Berkley gently placed JJ in the car. "Sorry." He murmured. "I didn't mean to embarrass you but I wasn't sure if you could make your own way down the stairs and I didn't want you to fall."

JJ grunted in response, hunkering down in his seat with his arms across his chest. He felt tears rise, but he choked them down. He had cried too much of late, and he would only humiliate himself further.

Berkley jumped in the other side and as he turned the key in the ignition he reached over to JJ and pulled him into his embrace. JJ was shocked and he looked up at Berkley with wide eyes. Berkley in turn, looked down into those wide, beautiful eyes and felt his own gaze soften. JJ was usually the man who, if one was ever down, could put a smile on your face without even trying. He was the 'bubbly' one at the station and many occasions had reminded Berkley of Ryo. It was not necessarily noticeable at first glance, but in the year or so that he had been working at the 27th he had noticed things in JJ that he also noticed in Ryo. For example, their giving nature, their maternal instinct and even the way that they reacted after a sniper raid – the guilt of shooting another human, even if they were the criminal.

JJ had so much in common with Ryo and yet neither of them noticed it. JJ hated Ryo, and at time Ryo resented JJ for stealing little moments between he and Dee – both at the office and on holiday (A/N referring to vol. 2).

Realising that he was still holding onto JJ tightly he swiftly released him and slid his seatbelt into place, gripping the steering wheel with both hands tightly.

"Buckle up, JJ." He said softly.

JJ regarded him curiously for a moment before doing as he was told. All the way to Berkley's place, JJ looked out of the window making sure that he didn't look at Berkley. He watched all of the scenes that passed. From the slums – where he belonged – to the high-class housing where no-doubt Berkley resided. He was surprised when Berkley pulled up to a small and fairly dingy apartment building.

"Well, here we are." Berkley said, smiling lightly.


End file.
